Observing human beings by closely monitoring their actions, words, non verbal messages being transmitted are things that I have been preoccupied with far longer than I can trace back in the recesses of my mind. People perceive and more often than not, they mistake it for facts, and I’m not one to ever get into a discussion that’s bound to go round in circles, concentric ones most probably. Fact dies a silent death every time I’m in the presence of people – something I allow myself to endure once every few years. Usually, I’m strictly against exposing myself to the human race or animals for that matter. I have a deep regard for inanimate objects that don’t interfere with my thoughts and conversations going on in my head.
I realized it when I was a 10-year-old that the best company I can ever have are my books, the music that I painfully collect after sifting through the trash that passes off as music, good movies, my art supplies and that’s about it. An indulgence that I can’t let go of are the things that enhance my bathing rituals, possible only when I am at home, my subtropical paradise. How I wish I had a way to disentangle myself from this place and live somewhere where I can only see green fields and blue skies! No humans to disturb the peace. Some people are just born with all the luck in the world, and some are cursed and fated to suffer. Suffering is entirely optional and this saying is not always true, in my opinion. Situations beyond one’s control tend to get in the way of my nodding my wee head in agreement. I find human emotions amusing at best and I’m curious to explore the entire range of emotions that I get to witness every time I decide to mingle with people. It’s not that I hate people. I have always loved every single human being I have had the privilege of knowing, for however short a period of time I may have been aware of their existence. Like the pages of a book that I flip through, I seem to be leaving behind people, no matter how engrossing I may have found them at some point of time in my life. Looking back and missing someone is something that I seem to be incapable of. No human has ever captured my imagination to such a degree that I can fully express my thoughts. The realization that I am living in a world where finding a common ground with someone is going to be impossible is a fact that I’m saddled with.
Written in 2012.
And then in 2013. I met him.
We loved with a love that was more than love, but maybe it was all in my imagination, a wild imagination capable of conjuring just about anything.
We were two individuals uniquely programmed, yet we were identical clones of each other and it seemed like the Universe was pulling a fast one on us. How could it be that we were so alike that we understood each other without uttering a word? I was stumped for the very first time in my life. When we ceased talking after a month, I couldn’t understand what could have possibly gone wrong that he chose to end our connection. Then I read about twin souls and how difficult it is to connect with someone who’s most probably your twin soul, and it all made sense to me. Or maybe I finally had gone crazy, as predicted by all who claim to know me well. To believe in the concept of twin souls is utter madness, but that seemed to be the only solution that brought me respite, and gave me the freedom to get moving once again. In a world full of people, I finally managed to run into one human being I had absolutely everything in common with. As far as stats go, it couldn’t be poorer than this. I knew this was going to remain a rare occurrence, never to be repeated in this lifetime. I decided to move on in 2015 and life seems to be back on track – almost as normal as it used to be. Some decisions can completely transform your life – for the good.