All Consuming Phobias

I sleep with my light switched on, as darkness makes it impossible for me to not sense the presence of someone in the room. I get restless and there have been times when my imagination has played weird games with me that would scare the living daylights out of anyone. Sleeplessness is now a habit and not really an option. Chasing ghosts or footsteps at midnight when I was a child was a thing I frequently did. I was curious and wanted to find the source of all the shadows, footsteps and wood chopping noises at the dark of the night when the whole world seemed to be sleeping and I was left to struggle with my inherent nature. I was never possessed by any spirits and no signs of madness to indicate any possession ever.

Something dawned upon me recently. I struggle with phasmophobia and this is one of the biggest reasons why I can’t live alone in a house all by myself. At night, the thought of being in an empty house is enough to kill me. I admire people who have no fear of living alone and fighting ghosts, if need be. As long as someone is sleeping in the next room, I am comfortable, but the moment I am left all alone, I start feeling uneasy and there’s a nagging feeling of someone invisible monitoring my every move.

Last year in October, I had gone back to my hometown for a visit and this was the only time in my life when I had an encounter with an entity. It was 8 am in the morning and I was ready to jump out of bed and explore my garden. My room was empty and I was the only person sleeping in my bed, but that soon changed when someone started moving behind my back. There was another occupant and I wanted to turn back and have a look. My feet had gone cold and numb already but I was dying to see. I found myself paralyzed for the first time. No voice came out of my mouth and in my mind I kept yelling my brother’s name. The thing in the shape of a heavily-built man had started moving now and was touching my back. It became worse when he started breathing down my neck and spine. I was paralyzed for what seemed like ages. I was fighting hard to survive this and I kept forcing my mind to think and think fast. “Sleep Paralysis” suddenly popped into my head. My obsession with psychology came to my rescue. I recalled that the writer had recommended forcing one’s toes to move and that’s all I focused on. The man was pressing really hard and had his grasp firmly on my arm and I was one heartbeat away from dying. Suddenly I managed to move my toes and soon my body and the ordeal of the invisible man came to an end. I rushed out of my room and thanked psychology for the good it had done. I am not a big fan of dancing with the devil.

I’m away from the spooky elements now, but the fear of ghosts strikes me every time I am left alone. My dream of living in a nice, fancy, white apartment all by myself has to wait till I conquer phasmophobia. I can run from one location to another but there’s no hiding from this. I wait for the light of day to sleep comfortably. Somehow, sunshine is comforting and it seems like no ghost can survive it.

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